Oh dear, we missed Bilbo and Frodo's birthday! That was two days ago. Nobody around here went barefoot. Nobody spent too long in the bathroom reading. But, intuitively, at least one of us did have a second breakfast!

Sure as heck didn't go and re-read "The Hobbit" like some guy named Stephen, who in a post on Boing Boing is quoted as saying that Thorin Oakenshield resembles a Nigerian sharpie:

In re-reading the Hobbit, I realized that the opening chapters made it sound like Thorin was running a con. From there, I wondered what Thorin's pitch would look like if it were a modern con, which resulted in me writing a Nigerian 419 fraud letter for the Hobbit."

    Dear MR BAGGINS, Fellow Conspirator,

    I am Thorin Oakenshield, descendant of Thrain the Old and grandson of Thror who was King under the Mountain. I am writing you to discuss our plans, our ways, means, policy and devices for rescuing our treasure from the dragon Smaug. ...

Check out the rest of the Hobbit advance payment fraud letter.