by Ryan Burns
Here's a tip for you drugmongers out there: Let's say you and your man-friend, who happens to be a convicted felon (sexy!), are hotboxing it in a casino parking lot, enjoying some well-earned r & r after a grueling day of meth-peddling. We've all been there. And we all know that, on days like this, it's just a pain in the ass (especially in Willits) to find a safe, out-of-the-way spot to stash your 30-odd grams of meth, your loaded weapons and that beautiful, hard-earned wad of cash money, which -- who knows? -- may have a hot date with the blackjack table inside.
"Hell," you say to yourself. "I'm a friggin criminal. This is the lifestyle I've chosen. Blowing this ganja smoke out my cracked car window is reckless -- you bet your ass it is. But it's also a statement. It says, 'Hey, Sally Housemaker, while you're at home baking snickerdoodles for the rugrats and watching Olympic ice dancing on NBC, I'm out here livin' on the edge.'"
Right on, sister. But let's say mean old Lieutenant Rusty of the Mendocino County Sheriff's office comes snooping around and catches a lungful of your societal rebellion. What to tell him? I know what you're thinking. Time to whip out that time-honored, foolproof escape mechanism passed down by generations of fruitful American drug dealers: Give him fake names.
Fine. But tread carefully, folks. Which brings us to today's tip, brought to you by the Santa Rosa Press-Democrat , with a hat-tip to Brenda Wright, 25, of McKinleyville, and Jeremy Cringle, 32, of Arcata: When you find yourself in this pickle, try to avoid impersonating people from your own social circle. Because, sadly, there's a pretty good chance they too are wanted by Lt. Rusty.
(An aside to the P-D 's Randi Rossman: Arcata and McKinleyville are not in Mendocino County, thankyouverymuch.)