Free entrance to the rich,
Double fees for the poor,
Blue ribbons to the longest faces,
And nobody, but nobody, is welcome!
Artists and poets: your entry requirements
Include a stint walking the Collapsing Plank
over the Mud-Dunking Tanks:
25 cents a throw, and big targets!
The Mangy Dog Contest is in Building D.
That's next door to our sun-baked Day Care Corral
Where amid cigarette smoke and horseflies
the blistered babies whine and howl.
Grown-ups may enter the Insult Exchange, e.g.
"If you were my husband, I'd poison your coffee"-
"If you were my wife, I'd drink it."
And don't miss the Manure-Drag Races,
Each racer a certified mother-in-law,
Shouldering the ropes to a 100-pound-load sled,
twice around the track, in calico dresses,
Trifecta purse to be announced!