Make Money off Your Problems


Did your booboo leave you and take the dehumidifier you went 50-50 on? Want to get your deposit back from Floyd Squires? Fugly haircut got you down? Take your problems to Southern California, to court and to the bank.

Okay, it's not going to be an actual court, with an actual judge. It's going to be a TV courtroom with an as-yet-to-be-named celebrity judge, and the USA network has put the call out to humble Humboldt county residents to come down and squabble on daytime TV.

Here's the blurb they sent us:

From the Executive Producer of WIPEOUT comes a new court television show like you've never seen before! Because in our courtroom, you argue your case to a . . . A CELEBRITY JUDGE! 

Bringing your problems to a CELEBRITY JUDGE? Sounds great! And it gets better! They will fly you down to Los Angeles (thus paving the way for a future case against the perenially-delayed airlines at the California Redwood Coast - Humboldt County Airport), put you up for the night, pay out if you win the case, pay out if you lose the case, and pay you a "substantial" amount as an appearance fee.

According to casting assistant Tashina Diaz, almost any kind of "lighthearted dispute" will be considered for the show, even someone not paying for dinner like they said they would. All civil claims below $5,000 will be considered. 

The downsides? Well, there's that whole not actually being a legal court thing, so any judgement made on television won't hold up for future litigation. Also, television tends to bring out the stupid in people, so maybe hide this announcement from your more naive friends/roommates/college students. 

Diaz refused to give us any hints as to who the CELEBRITY JUDGE might be, but fingers crossed for Guy Fieri making "This is Triple-D de jure!" his new catchphrase.

If you're interested, Diaz can be reached at [email protected].

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