If "reality" television's Nielsen stranglehold has taught us one thing -- just one, now -- it's that Americans love to see people make asses of themselves. Compare Jersey Shore's ratings to something more wholesome and traditional, say, oh I dunno, any MLB game this year. Not even close. Questionable behavior might as well replace baseball as the new national pastime.

Or maybe we could just combine the two. Not ready to give up the boys of summer? Say hello to the… uh… yeah, hmm… of summer! It's once again time for the Bat N' Rouge Comedy Softball Fundraiser to benefit the Arcata Ridge Trail Project going down at the Arcata Ballpark on Friday, Sept. 9 at 6:45 p.m. Tickets are $15 or $75 for VIP treatment.

Do you enjoy community? Nature? Cool. Well, last year, the event -- a collaborative effort by the Humboldt Trails Council, the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence and Queer Humboldt -- raised more than $20,000 for the Arcata Ridge Trail project. That's what we call "a success."

How'd they pull it off? See if you know any of the men on the rosters below. Then ask yourself if, like any good, red-blooded American, you'd like to see that person dressed in a dress, a wig, with make-up on in front of hundreds of community members. If you answered "yes" -- you did -- you understand why Bat N' Rouge is such a big deal. Fashion car wrecks can draw a crowd.

So here they are, folks. Your 2011 Bat N' Rouge players/victims! Come witness their regret live:

The Backwoods Babes

69 Coach Jamie Mintey, aka "Peaches Renfrew"

33 Andrew Goff, aka "Wrecks Bones"

11 Bill Chino, aka "Ana Rection"

22 Bob Goodman, aka "Crystal DeCanter"

07 Hank Sims, aka "Wilma Balls Drop"

10 John Ford, aka "Misty Beaner"

09 Travis Turner, aka "Maya Dickslong "

88 Mark Wheetley, aka "Mango"

03 Pete Nichols, aka "Ginger Snaps"

55 Shane Brinton, aka "Sharon DeWealth"

44 Tom Chapman, aka "Anita Jugs"

66 Kevin Wright, aka "Punky Brooza"

99 Gary Whitmer, aka "Jackie Mehoff"

13 Johnny BerryPicker, aka "Princess Berrypicker"

21 Rodney Dickerson, aka "Marla Hooch"

 
The Trail Tramps

67 Coach Andy Salatnay, aka "Lucy Fur"

31 Bob Ornelas, aka "Chi Chi La Grande"

12 Briar Bush, aka "Ivana Beer"

23 Gene Joyce, aka "Iwanta Hump"

05 Justin Pabalate, aka "Sofando Cox"

15 Ken House, aka "MeMe"

87 Kirk Cohune, aka "Kiki Cojones"

54 Philip Smith Hanes, aka "Meara Kull Worker"

29 Randy Gans, aka "Randi"

35 Rex Bohn, aka "Sexy Rexy"

97 Mike Jones, aka "Shari' Cheeks"

40 Mark Andre, aka "Ivana Trail"

39 Richard Marks, aka "Sonja Softball"

Oh, crap! I'm on that list! Drag!

The night isn't solely about humiliating the boys. Close. But you'll also be treated to tightly choreographed cheerleading courtesy of the Pom Pom Queens made up of Coach Jessica McGuinty, Katie Hennessy, Amber Thompson, Rachel Hoeflein, Gini Noggle, Natalynn DeLapp and Michael Wheeler. Their routine is a closely guarded secret. We heard Mark Lovelace plays guitar, but that might have been Jessicurl deception.

Anyway, come check out some balls… for a good cause. For more info, check out eurekasisters.org or humtrails.org. Drag it out.