ARIES (March 21-April 19): When I write a horoscope for you, I focus on one or two questions because I don't have room to cover every single aspect of your life. The theme I've chosen this time may seem a bit impractical, but if you take it to heart, I guarantee you it will have practical benefits. It comes from Italian author Umberto Eco. He wrote, "Perhaps the mission of those who love humanity is to make people laugh at the truth, to make truth laugh, because the only truth lies in learning to free ourselves from insane passion for the truth." I swear to you, Aries, that if you laugh at the truth and make the truth laugh in the coming days, you will be guided to do all the right and necessary things.
TAURUS (April 20-May 20): You have a cosmic mandate and a poetic license to stir up far more erotic fantasies than usual. It'll be healthy for you to unleash many new thoughts about sexual experiments that would be fun to try and novel feelings you'd like to explore and people whose naked flesh you'd be interested to experience sliding and gliding against yours. But please note that the cosmic mandate and poetic license do not necessarily extend to you acting out your fantasies. The important thing is to let your imagination run wild. That will catalyze a psychic healing you didn't even realize you needed.
GEMINI (May 21-June 20): In my continuing efforts to help you want what you need and need what you want, I've collected four wise quotes that address your looming opportunities. 1. "What are you willing to give up, in order to become who you really need to be?" — author Elizabeth Gilbert 2. "Leave the door open for the unknown, the door into the dark. That's where the most important things come from." — Rebecca Solnit 3. "You enter the extraordinary by way of the ordinary." — Frederick Buechner 4. "Happiness is like a butterfly which, when pursued, is always beyond our grasp, but, if you will sit down quietly, may alight upon you." — Nathaniel Hawthorne
CANCER (June 21-July 22): I've called on author Robert Heinlein to provide your horoscope. According to my astrological analysis, his insights are exactly what you need to focus on right now. "Do not confuse 'duty' with what other people expect of you," he wrote. "They are utterly different. Duty is a debt you owe to yourself to fulfill obligations you have assumed voluntarily. Paying that debt can entail anything from years of patient work to instant willingness to die. Difficult it may be, but the reward is self-respect. But there is no reward at all for doing what other people expect of you, and to do so is not merely difficult but impossible."
LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): What does "beauty" mean to you? What sights, sounds, images, qualities, thoughts, and behavior do you regard as beautiful? Whatever your answers might be to those questions right now, I suggest you expand and deepen your definitions in the coming weeks. You're at a perfect pivot point to invite more gorgeous, lyrical grace into your life; to seek out more elegance and charm and artistry; to cultivate more alluring, delightful magic.
VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): You know the expiration dates that appear on the labels of the prescription drugs you buy? They don't mean that the drugs lose their potency after that date. In fact, most drugs are still quite effective for at least another ten years. Let's use this fact as a metaphor for a certain resource or influence in your life that you fear is used up or defunct. I'm guessing it still has a lot to offer you, although you will have to shift your thinking in order to make its reserves fully available.
LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Libran rapper Eminem is renowned for his verbal skill. It may be best exemplified in his song "Rap God," in which he delivers 1,560 words in six minutes and four seconds, or 4.28 words per second. In one stretch, he crams in 97 words in 15 seconds, achieving a pace of 6.5 words per second. I suspect that in the coming weeks, you will also be unusually adept at using words, although your forte will be potent profundity rather than sheer speed. I encourage you to prepare by making a list of the situations where your enhanced powers of persuasion will be most useful.
SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): In May of 1883, the newly built Brooklyn Bridge opened for traffic. Spanning the East River to link Manhattan and Brooklyn, it was the longest suspension bridge in the world. But almost immediately people spread rumors that it was unstable. There was a growing fear that it might even crumble and fall. That's when charismatic showman P. T. Barnum stepped in. He arranged to march 21 elephants across the bridge. There was no collapse and so the rumors quickly died. I regard the coming weeks as a time when you should take inspiration from Barnum. Provide proof that will dispel gossipy doubt. Drive away superstitious fear with dramatic gestures. Demonstrate how strong and viable your improvements really are.
SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Robert Louis Stevenson published his gothic novel Strange Case of Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde in 1886. It was a bestseller, and quickly got turned into a theatrical production. In the ensuing 132 years, there have been well over a hundred further adaptations of the story into film and stage productions. Here's the funny thing about this influential work: Stevenson wrote it fast. It took him three feverish days to get the gist of it and just another six weeks to revise. Some biographers say he was high on drugs during the initial burst, perhaps cocaine. I suspect you could also produce some robust and interesting creation in the coming weeks, Sagittarius — and you won't even need cocaine to fuel you.
CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): A blogger on Tumblr named Ffsshh composed a set of guidelines that I think will be apt and useful for you to draw on in the coming weeks. Please study these suggestions and adapt them for your healing process. "Draw stick figures. Sing off-key. Write bad poems. Sew ugly clothes. Run slowly. Flirt clumsily. Play video games on 'easy.' OK? You do not need to be good at something to enjoy it. Sometimes talent is overrated. Do things you like doing just because you like doing them. It's OK to suck."
AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Aquarian athlete Michael Jordan is the greatest basketball player who ever lived. He was also the first to become a billionaire. But when he was growing up, he didn't foresee the glory that awaited him. For example, in high school he took a home economics class so as to acquire cooking abilities. Why? He imagined that as an adult he might have to prepare all of his own meals. His ears were so huge and ungainly, he reasoned, that no woman would want to be his wife. So the bad news was that he suffered from a delusion. The good news was that because of his delusion, he learned a useful skill. I foresee a similar progression for you, Aquarius. Something you did that was motivated by misguided or irrelevant ideas may yield positive results.
PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): The Bible does not say that Mary Magdalene was a prostitute or even a "sinner." There's no mention of her sexual proclivities at all. Delusional ideas about her arose in the Middle Ages, instigated by priests who confused her with other women in the Bible. The truth is that the Bible names her as a key ally to Christ, and the crucial witness to his resurrection. Fortunately, a number of scholars and church leaders have in recent years been working to correct her reputation. I invite you to be motivated and inspired by this transformation as you take steps to adjust and polish your own image during the coming weeks. It's time to get your public and private selves into closer alignment.