ARIES (March 21-April 19): Aries director Francis Ford Coppola was asked to name the year's worst movie. The question didn't interest him, he said. He listed his favorite films, then declared, "Movies are hard to make, so I'd say, all the other ones were fine!" Coppola's comments remind me of author Dave Eggers': "Do not dismiss a book until you have written one, and do not dismiss a movie until you have made one, and do not dismiss a person until you have met them." In accordance with astrological omens, Aries, your assignment is to explore and embody these perspectives. Refrain from judging efforts about which you have no personal knowledge. Be as open-minded and generous as you can. Doing so will give you fuller access to half-dormant aspects of your own potentials.
TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Artist Andy Warhol said, only half in jest, "Being good in business is the most fascinating kind of art. Making money is art, and working is art, and good business is the best art." More than any other sign, Tauruses embody this attitude with flare. When you are at your best, you're not a greedy materialist who places a higher value on money than everything else. Instead, you approach the gathering of necessary resources, including money, as a fun art project that you perform with love and creativity. I invite you to ascend to an even higher octave of this talent.
GEMINI (May 21-June 20): You are gliding into the Season of Maximum Volition, Autonomy, and Liberty. Now is a favorable time to explore and expand the pleasures of personal sovereignty. You will be at the peak of your power to declare your independence from influences that hinder and limit you. To prepare, try two experiments. 1. Act as if free will is an illusion. It doesn't exist. There's no such thing. Then visualize what your destiny would be like. 2. Act as if free will is real. Imagine that in the coming months you can have more of it at your disposal than ever before. What will your destiny be like?
CANCER (June 21-July 22): The ethereal, dreamy side of your nature must continually find ways to express itself beautifully and playfully. And I do mean "continually." If you're not always allowing your imagination to roam and romp around in Wonderland, your imagination may lapse into spinning out crabby delusions. Luckily, I don't think you will have any problems attending to this necessary luxury in the coming weeks. From what I can tell, you will be highly motivated to generate fluidic fun by rambling through fantasy realms. Bonus! I suspect this will generate practical benefits.
LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): Don't treat your allies or yourself with neglect and insensitivity. For the sake of you mental and physical health, you need to do the exact opposite. I'm not exaggerating! To enhance your well-being, be almost ridiculously positive. Be vigorously nice and rigorously kind. Bestow blessings and dole out compliments, both to others and yourself. See the best and expect the best in both others and yourself.
VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Is there a bug in the sanctuary of love? A parasite or saboteur? If so, banish it. Is there a cranky monster grumbling in the basement or attic or closet? Feed that creature chunks of raw cookie dough imbued with a crushed-up valium pill. Do you have a stuffed animal or holy statue to whom you can spill your deep, dark, delicious secrets? If not, get one. Have you been spending quality time rumbling around in your fantasy world in quest of spectacular healings? If not, get busy. Those healings are ready for you to pluck them.
LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): There's a weird magic operating in your vicinity these days—a curious, uncanny kind of luck. So while my counsel here might sound counter-intuitive, I think it's true. Here are four affirmations to chant regularly: 1. "I will attract and acquire what I want by acting as if I don't care if I get what I want." 2. "I will become grounded and relaxed with the help of beautiful messes and rowdy fun." 3. "My worries and fears will subside as I make fun of them and joke about them." 4. "I will activate my deeper ambition by giving myself permission to be lazy."
SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): How many people would fight for their country? Below I list the countries where my horoscopes are published and the percentage of their populations ready and willing to take up arms against their nations' enemies: 11 percent in Japan; Netherlands, 15 percent; Italy, 20 percent; France, 29 percent; Canada, 30 percent; US, 44 percent. So I surmise that Japanese readers are most likely to welcome my advice here, which is threefold: 1. The coming months will be a good time to cultivate your love for your country's land, people, and culture, but not for your country's government and armed forces. 2. Minimize your aggressiveness unless you invoke it to improve your personal life—in which case, pump it up and harness them. 3. Don't get riled up about vague abstractions and fear-based fantasies. But do wield your constructive militancy in behalf of intimate, practical improvements.
SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): By the time she was 33, Sagittarian actor Jane Fonda was famous and popular. She had already won many awards, including an Oscar. Then she became an outspoken opponent of America's war in Vietnam. Some of her less-liberal fans were outraged. For a few years, her success in films waned. Offers didn't come easily to her. She later explained that while the industry had not completely "blacklisted" her, she had been "greylisted." Despite the setback, she kept working—and never diluted her political activism. By the time she was in her forties, her career and reputation had fully recovered. Today, at age 84, she is busy with creative projects. In accordance with astrological rhythms, I propose we make her your role model in the coming months. May she inspire you to be true to your principles even if some people disapprove. Be loyal to what you know is right.
CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Charles V (1500–1558) had more than 20 titles, including Holy Roman Emperor, King of Spain, Archduke of Austria, and Lord of the Netherlands. He was also a patron of the arts and architecture. Once, while visiting the renowned Italian painter Titian to have his portrait done, he did something no monarch had ever done. When Titian dropped his paintbrush on the floor, Charles humbly picked it up and gave it to him. I foresee a different but equally interesting switcheroo in your vicinity during the coming weeks. Maybe you will be aided by a big shot or get a blessing from someone you consider out of your league. Perhaps you will earn a status boost or will benefit from a shift in a hierarchy.
AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Some people I respect regard the Bible as a great work of literature. I don't share that view. Like psychologist Valerie Tarico, I believe the so-called good book is filled with "repetition, awkward constructions, inconsistent voice, weak character development, boring tangents, and passages where nobody can tell what the writer meant to convey." I bring this to your attention, Aquarius, because I believe now is a good time to rebel against conventional wisdom, escape from experts' opinions, and formulate your own unique perspectives about pretty much everything. Be like Valerie Tarico and me.
PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): I suspect that arrivederci and au revoir and saynara will overlap with birth cries and welcomes and initiations in the coming days. Are you beginning or ending? Leaving or arriving? Letting go or hanging on? Here's what I think: You will be beginning and ending; leaving and arriving; letting go and hanging on. That could be confusing, but it could also be fun. The mix of emotions will be rich and soulful.