Free entrance to the rich,

Double fees for the poor,

Blue ribbons to the longest faces,

   And nobody, but nobody, is welcome!

Artists and poets: your entry requirements

Include a stint walking the Collapsing Plank

   over the Mud-Dunking Tanks:

   25 cents a throw, and big targets!

The Mangy Dog Contest is in Building D.

That's next door to our sun-baked Day Care Corral

Where amid cigarette smoke and horseflies

   the blistered babies whine and howl.

Grown-ups may enter the Insult Exchange, e.g.

   "If you were my husband, I'd poison your coffee"-

   "If you were my wife, I'd drink it."

And don't miss the Manure-Drag Races,

Each racer a certified mother-in-law,

Shouldering the ropes to a 100-pound-load sled,

   twice around the track, in calico dresses,

   Trifecta purse to be announced!