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Yelp Reviews of Voting

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Trevor P. ★ ★ ★

Pretty disappointed by the lack of grim music, furtive shuffling and tense voice overs I was expecting after watching that voter fraud documentary my uncle sent me. It's not that I necessarily believe the last election was rigged but, like, could it have been? If Ancient Aliens marathons have taught me anything, it's that if you can dream it, you can proceed as if it's true and just let your hair get wilder and wilder.

Rob V. ★ ★ ★ ★ ★

Exercising my right to vote as a citizen of the greatest country in the world is always a beautiful moment for me, a moment of solidarity with fellow Americans, especially the men and women in uniform who've fought to preserve our freedoms. Sometimes it overwhelms me with a patriotism I can only express with a treasonous Confederate flag or the sideways stars and stripes with a freaky skull on it. Anyway, if those returns come up snake eyes for the GOP again, I'm definitely going to the Capitol to kill a cop.

Birdie R. ★ ★

Two stars because while I did get to vote in an election impacting my actual human rights, the lighting was the most brutal I've suffered since high school gym. WTF. A few standing lamps would not kill anybody. I also miss the curtains.

Tony J. ★ ★ ★ ★ ★

Very good experience, efficient volunteer staff and clear instructions. Does anyone know when the next elimination round is? Because I've never voted on anything that didn't involve ballroom dancing on TV. That, by the way, is way simpler and there aren't armed dudes in tactical gear and guns sitting on a tailgate down the block.

Tanya I. ★ ★ ★ ★ ★

I've been pretty anxious about the midterms since the last midterms. And after months of news coverage, dire fundraising emails and watching legal protections for bodily autonomy disappear like the dry pita chips I was stress eating, I was a raw nerve. But the volunteers spoke very softly to me when I accidentally punctured my ballot with the pen, and filling in those tiny rectangles was extremely soothing. If anyone has a sample ballot they can spare, I could use another couple pages. SAT bubble sheets, whatever you've got.

Leonard L. ★ ★ ★ ★

I never cared about the midterms before. In fact, I used to give them about as much thought as women's sports before trans athletes. But now I get that it's important to take every opportunity to empower those who share our values to get up in everyone else's reproductive organs so I can be sure whose leotard I'm watching ride up when I flip past gymnastics because I believe in fairness and having everyone's genitals inspected by a stranger so nothing pervy is going on. Would like future ballots to include photos of every candidate's actual junk.

Derek K. ★

This felt like a lot of reading about a bunch of people I hadn't heard of. Did not think there would be this many questions, either. All needs to be streamlined, like maybe down to one or two options, top-down leaders who get into the granular stuff later without our having to weigh in. Or maybe less often? Like, one person runs the country and when they die, their first born takes over and so on. Or else just indicate which candidates support me using racial slurs without consequence.

Van S. ★ ★ ★

First-time voter. It was fine. Tiny voting cubby kind of made me want to peek at my neighbor's ballot. Weird.

Alan T. ★ ★ ★ ★

Parking was ridiculous. When we finally found a spot at our court-mandated distance, it seemed too far away to properly menace people who might be planning to drag giant plastic tubs of fake ballots signed by illegal and/or extraterrestrial aliens into the community center. Not too many people came by and, from that far away, it was hard to tell who was out to steal the election and install a cabal of pedophiles. Also, it was pretty cold and, while the MREs lent a certain authenticity, a warm burrito would have been nice. Did not actually get around to voting but I definitely felt heard.

Tina D. ★ ★ ★ ★

Great experience. Everyone gathered in the spirit of civic engagement and connection to our forefathers — obviously not the ones with slaves or who did anything else awful, just a sort of vague faces like the ones on worn down coins with tastefully ribboned ponytails. Who never intended for me to have the right to vote. Anyway, it was satisfying to be heard as a citizen as much as my vote matters in my hopelessly gerrymandered district. Still, it's a great American tradition. And now I'm going to go home and get absolutely hammered so I can black out until the final count comes in instead of watching the numbers climb along with our chances of waking up in an autocracy. Cheers!

Jennifer Fumiko Cahill (she/her) is the arts and features editor at the Journal. Reach her at (707) 442-1400, extension 320, or jennifer@northcoastjournal.com. Follow her on Mastodon Mastodon.

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